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I'm self-employed and my schedule is unpredictable: how can I make sure I see my children?

I'm self-employed and my schedule is unpredictable: how can I make sure I see my children?

Small business owner working while child angrily stares at her

If you own a business, you most likely don’t work a 9-5 schedule. Among your numerous responsibilities are handling marketing, keeping track of the finances, and being available to address and resolve last minute staffing and scheduling changes. While some of these follow a predictable schedule, others come up at the last minute and require your immediate attention. This can cause a lot of confusion and tension when you’re sharing custody with your ex-spouse, because some of your responsibilities make you unable to get to a scheduled custody exchange. While many self-employed parents assume this means their custody will be limited to alternating weekends and times when the parents can agree, it doesn’t have to be that way. In fact, many self-employed parents share custody and maintain meaningful relationships with their children. Here are a few ways to minimize disruption and conflict.

Communicate: If you own a business and occasionally have to stay late or leave early to handle emergencies, communication is critical. You need to speak with the other parent about what types of emergencies may come up, when you are likely to find out about them, if they can be predicted, and how you will let the other parent know about last minute changes. Make sure you agree upon what form of communication you will use. Neither of you want to miss a message because one person thought a text message was the format to use and the other assumed there would be a phone call.
Create a realistic schedule: Depending on your responsibilities, a standard 5/2/2/5 or week-on/week-on may simply not be feasible. If your business has predictable “busy seasons,” and “slow seasons,” it may be more convenient for everyone to adjust the custody schedule so that your custody time is concentrated during your slow periods and there aren’t as many custody exchanges during your busy season. Similarly, if you know that you consistently work 12-15 hour days on a Saturday, then you may decide that Saturday isn’t the best day to exercise custody. There’s a reason why custody lawyers and family courts use 5/2/2/5 schedules, but they don’t work well for every family. If it doesn’t work for you, it reduces everyone’s frustration by creating a customized schedule that you can realistically follow.
Lean on your support system: It is completely acceptable to use the help of family members and caregivers to assist with custody exchanges and general childcare. For many business owners, the problem isn’t that you have an unpredictable schedule; it’s that you have a schedule that doesn’t easily line up with school ending in the mid-afternoon. By using assistance for pick-ups, making sure homework is done, and ensuring dinner is ready, you can spend your evenings spending quality time with your children.
Be flexible: Sometimes, the other parent will need to adjust the schedule as well. Their own work schedule may require them to stay late, or there may be a special family event that falls during your regular custody period. When this happens, it may be necessary to change the typical schedule. This is of course disappointing if you have to miss time with your children. But by extending flexibility, your co-parent will be more willing to do the same for you. Ultimately, it benefits your children for them to see you and your co-parent working together.
Focus on your children’s best interest: Ultimately, your custody arrangements have to support your children’s physical, educational, and emotional well-being. Sometimes, you’re going to need to split time or change your custody arrangement. Long term, your children are far more likely to remember the quality time they spent with each of their parents rather than whether they spent exactly 50 percent of their time with each parent.

Running your own business and having 50/50 custody of your children brings a set of challenges. Both parents need to be flexible with each other and remain in good communication. By ensuring you remain up to date about the other’s work schedules and discuss what works best for your family, you will have far less disruptions to your custody time.