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Can my child choose where she will live?

January 31, 2022 · by Pittsburgh Family Law Services, P.C.

In every custody case, a judge must consider 16 factors when making a decision. Many factors involve the relationship of the child with each parent and the parents’ relationship with each other. “The well reasoned preference of the child” is one of the factors. This of course makes parents wonder: can my child choose where she will live, and how old does she have to be to make that choice? There is unfortunately no single answer to these questions. Your child’s preference may not carry much weight or it may be what sways the judge. How much weight a judge gives your child’s preference will depend on several factors.

Is it true my child can choose where to live?

The first thing I tell clients is their child’s preference is only one factor out of 16. The 16 factors are not weighted, and your child’s preference is not inherently a better factor than others. Judges can and do go against the child’s preference all the time depending on the circumstances.

A judge will not make a child choose between her parents. When judges interview children, they do not say “tell me where you want to live.” Instead, they will primarily ask your children about how they’re doing in school, what their interests are, and about their relationships with their parents. This doesn’t mean they don’t care about how your child views the custody arrangement! Judges do ask children if they like how much time they spend with each parent, and if they would like something different.

Just because your child wants to change the custody schedule does not mean a judge will ultimately do so. Instead, the judge will consider her preference in the context of all 16 factors. For example, a child may say she wants to spend equal amounts of time with both parents. This is quite common and something judges often support. It is hard to do so though, if the parents live 90 minutes apart. Although the child may want to spend equal time, it simply is not feasible. This does not mean the judge didn’t listen to her. Instead, it means her preference cannot control under the circumstances.

If you consider your child’s viewpoint in the context of the custody factors, it makes sense why it isn’t the sole factor. The judge does not want your child to decide who is more likely to attend to her needs, or who is more likely to involve the other parent. These are, however, factors which a judge is required to consider in making her decision. It is not your child’s responsibility to determine whether one parent is “better” than the other, and a judge will not place that pressure upon her. Instead, the judge will listen to your child to help understand how she experiences the current custody arrangement.

Does my child’s age make a difference?

Many parents believe the older their child is, the more weight her opinion carries. There is, in fact, some truth to this. A 16 year old is able to express herself far more easily than a 6 year old. There is also a belief among attorneys and judges that forcing too much custody onto an older teenager can ultimately backfire. I always tell my clients that ultimately you want to have your child choose to spend time with you when there is no longer a custody order.

A child’s age affects her ability to express a “well-reasoned preference.” Let’s look at some examples involving a parent relocating with the child to Florida. A young child may say she doesn’t want to move because she would miss the snow. And older child though may say that she is halfway through high school and is too involved in her life here. Both children say they don’t want to move, but the older child expresses concrete reasons for her opinion. Judges have different opinions on whether children should speak. Some judges interview a child even as young as 5. Others decline to do so until the child is older. Whether your child is interviewed or not depends on the judge and the specific circumstances. In general though, the older your child is, the more likely a judge will want to meet her.

When judges do speak with young children, they use it as an opportunity to learn about each parent’s household. Your child can tell the judge what she likes, whether she feels safe, and whether she feels comfortable. She can also tell the judge if she thinks she spends “enough” time with both parents. The judge can learn a lot about your household from speaking with your child.

Other considerations

Usually when a parent asks for the judge to speak with their child, it’s because they believe the child supports their position. It’s important to consider your child’s personality and maturity level in making this request. After thinking carefully, you may realize she just isn’t ready to express a preference. You should also remember that your child is still acting as a witness. As a matter of practice, you do not want to call a witness unless you’re sure the witness will help. Even positive answers can work against you. I have seen children repeat to a judge word for word what is in their parent’s pre-trial statement! While this may sound helpful, all it does is make the judge believe the parent coached the child. This is not the impression you want the judge to have!

Although it is only one factor, judges can and do take your child’s viewpoint into consideration when making a custody determination. Before asking for your child to speak with the judge, talk with your custody lawyer first. Your lawyer can help you articulate what you believe your child’s preference to be and why you believe she has a preference. This in turn, will help you prepare a more effective case for your trial.

I lost my custody trial. What did I do wrong? What can I do?

January 24, 2022 · by Pittsburgh Family Law Services, P.C.
Man upset after his custody trial wondering what went wrong

It’s never easy to lose or receive a negative decision after a custody trial. They involve the most important aspects of your life: your children. It is devastating to come out on the losing end. You probably paid large legal fees, which makes it even harder to accept the outcome. If this just happened, you may wonder what what went wrong, or what to do next.

What did we do wrong?

You may wonder if your lawyer did something wrong that made you lose. Very often, when I speak with someone who is looking for a new lawyer, they believe they lost their trial because their past lawyer did something wrong. While it is easy to assume that good lawyers win and bad lawyers lose, a custody trial simply doesn’t work that way. An experienced lawyer will take a set of facts, present it in the most favorable way, and help the judge understand the facts in a way that makes her able to find in your favor. However, lawyers cannot change the history of a case, or control the outcome. In a custody case, outcomes often turn on facts and events which happened long before hiring your lawyer.

Unfortunately, not all facts support a favorable outcome, and some cases are harder than others to persuade a judge. This is often the case when one parents wants to move away, or when a parent has only recently addressed a serious drug addiction. Sometimes you may do everything right, but it hasn’t been long enough. This does not mean you did anything wrong, or that you are a bad parent! It means that certain types of cases are very challenging to succeed.

You may also wonder if you lost because something wasn’t presented in court. Clients are often concerned about this. In every custody case, there are exhibits and facts that never get shown to the court. It is common to think the case would have gone differently, if only the judge had “everything” in front of her. Why didn’t your lawyer show those text messages? Why didn’t your lawyer introduce the voicemails from years ago? “More is better” is often the wrong approach in custody cases. Your lawyer knows the court’s priorities, the facts of your case, and what the other side will argue. Instead, your lawyer uses her knowledge to pick the strongest arguments. This ultimately means excluding information that doesn’t address the court’s priorities or distracts from your strongest arguments.

Finally, parents often ask why their lawyer didn’t say more about the other’s bad character. In most custody cases, these arguments are often vague and provides little of valuable use. Parents rarely come into a custody trial with no blemishes. There are text messages, voicemails, and missed communications which do not support the child’s best interest. This is very common at the beginning of a separation. But their existence does not by itself indicate poor parenting.

What can I do next?

First, talk to your lawyer. She may have insight into why the judge ruled a certain way. Your case may have always been harder to win, or there may have been some glaring fact that tilted the judge in the opposite direction. This is usually clear from reading the judge’s opinion. It is uncommon that an experienced lawyer truly does not know why a judge made a certain decision.

Next, you should take time to read the judge’s opinion. This is often hard, but it provides valuable information. It lets you see what the judge found problematic and what to change moving forward. If the judge found that housing wasn’t stable, then prepare to address that head-on. If the judge found you to be less involved, then be proactive in requesting information about your children. The purpose of understanding what concerned the judge is not to make you feel bad, but to give you the opportunity to make concrete changes.

If you take the time to address the judge’s concerns, eventually you can request a change in custody. Judges can and do change their orders when they consider a previous issue to be resolved. It is not a quick or easy process, but it is very possible. Losing a custody trial once does not mean you cannot have a better result in the future.

Custody orders are not set in stone, and they can be changed if you address the problematic areas. This shows the court you took its concerns seriously and are acting in your children’s best interests. Child custody is rarely a one-step process. By using an unfavorable decision as way to make changes, you can obtain a far more positive outcome later.

Going viral: COVID-19 and your custody order

March 18, 2020 · by Pittsburgh Family Law Services, P.C.

Pittsburgh Child Custody Enforcement Attorney
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READ MORE ARTICLES ABOUT FAMILY LAW IN PENNSYLVANIA.

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“Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Over the last several days, families throughout Pennsylvania, many already too familiar with struggling, have begun facing the new challenge of suddenly being required to work from home. Thanks to closed schools, many children are either at home while their harried parents try to care for them while also focusing on their work, or they are in hastily-arranged extended childcare for a premium price. Restaurants and other public spaces are closed, supermarkets are bare-shelved madhouses, and money is tighter than ever. Confusion and fear are everywhere. Last week, we were reading about this in the news… but today, we are the news.

If you are a separated parent of young children in Pennsylvania, you have even more to handle. You may have a court order for custody, but the court that would enforce it is probably already in emergency shutdown. We are constantly being told to travel only when we must, to limit person-to-person contacts and to stay home as much as possible. Your co-parent may already have decided, for no reason you can understand, that you are so badly infected that your child will disintegrate the moment you say hello. I have spoken with parents and fellow attorneys about how COVID-19 affects custody orders. While there is no single answer or piece of guidance that will apply to every situation, there are some points that I will encourage all parents with custody concerns to consider.

First, unless you receive an official court order with a judge’s signature on it stating otherwise, your custody order remains valid and enforceable, and you will be held accountable for violations. I always tell my clients that if they are physically able to follow the court order, they must do so. While there may be many reasons to do otherwise that feel valid (or even compelling) in the moment, the safest and best course of action almost every time is to follow it as written and to address the deeper issues later. Even now, in circumstances which are unpredictable and subject to sudden changes that are out of any person’s control, child custody issues are best handled directly by the parents themselves, outside of court. The more you and your co-parent can communicate respectfully and find ways to work together effectively for your child’s benefit, the more likely that even if you cannot avoid court involvement altogether, you will have avoided making a bad situation worse. Judges do not view it favorably when parents substitute their own judgment for that of the court.

You can start avoiding trouble right now, by opening up a dialogue with your co-parent to discuss your respective concerns. If you are ill or fear you might have been exposed to the virus, tell your co-parent. The same goes for your child. If you are not ill or at any known risk of illness, assure your co-parent that you are not ill, and that you will observe all reasonable precautions to keep your child healthy and safe. Contact your child’s pediatrician or your family doctor as needed to learn what precautions to take and what to look for, and where to go for testing or help if your child shows symptoms. Inquire whether there are any additional recommended precautions for scheduled custody exchanges. Either involve your co-parent in this discussion so that his or her own concerns might be addressed to minimize argument later on, or share freely with him or her what you learned. Even if you have sole legal custody, you must keep the other parent fully informed. It will be much easier to make any necessary adjustments to your custody schedule if both of you know that a medical professional has recommended it.

After gaining understanding of the medical risks and concerns, the two of you should discuss the current custody arrangement, and whether changes should be made at least on a temporary basis. Maybe a different exchange time would work better for one parent’s work schedule, or perhaps alternative (or back-up) child-care arrangements need to be made because your usual provider either is ill, or is immune-compromised and cannot risk exposure to COVID-19. Perhaps instead of meeting at a public halfway-point for scheduled exchanges, each parent drives the full distance to the other party’s residence to pick up the children. Perhaps a temporary week on/week off arrangement is preferable over your usual schedule that requires two or three exchanges each week.

It may be that you and the other parent will decide that custody exchanges of any kind are too much of a risk for the time being. This could be the case if you, your co-parent, your child or someone else who resides with one of you is considered high-risk. If you decide this – together, that is – make sure that you agree to keep each other informed and involved as much as possible, including more flexible with phone calls or Facetime chats. At all times, treat your child’s relationship with his or her other parent as something valuable and important.

These suggestions are harder to implement if you and your co-parent have a history of mistrust, hostility or other challenges communicating and working together. If you find that you are not able to reach agreement with your co-parent, you should contact your Pennsylvania family law attorney immediately to discuss your concerns and get advice. There is plenty of information available online, but no article can give you everything you need. Your child custody lawyer, in Pittsburgh or elsewhere, can review your situation and offer you personalized insight and options that you may never have seen for yourself. Your lawyer can also help you understand what court options may still remain available during the course of the shutdown.

The sudden spread of COVID-19, and the resulting closures and additional burdens, have forced families throughout Pennsylvania to make immediate decisions and difficult changes. In this moment characterized by anxiety and chaos, you will make things easier both for yourself and for your children, to take the time to talk openly and sincerely with your co-parent to find ways to be flexible and cooperative with each other, for the sake of your children.

UPDATE 3/23/20: Governor Wolf has issued a stay-at-home order for multiple counties including Allegheny County, that will take effect at 8:00 p.m. today.  You can read the official announcement here.  One exception to the restriction is “Travel required by… court order.”  Subject to further developments and governmental determinations, we believe that the stay-at-home order for the greater Pittsburgh area due to the COVID-19 Coronavirus pandemic does NOT supersede court-ordered child custody exchanges.  A parent traveling for a custody transfer during the pandemic should have a copy of the child custody Order of Court ready to show to a police officer, if he or she is stopped.  Please note that this is general information only, and that you should direct specific questions to your local child custody lawyer.

UPDATE 3/24/20: Allegheny County Family Division has issued an Administrative Order that Allegheny County Orders of Court for custody of children remain in effect, and are unaffected by the stay-at-home order “with due consideration for the safety of the child.”

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If you need the help of an experienced family law attorney for your shared legal custody case in Penn Hills, Edgewood or Monroeville, call our office to set up a personal consultation with an experienced Pittsburgh area child custody enforcement lawyer and to learn how to get the most out of your child best interests dispute.  Please do not comment anonymously, and do not post anything that you consider confidential.  We try to be responsive to commentary and questions, but know that posting here will not create an attorney/client relationship and that we will not offer legal advice via the Internet.

School choice disputes: where will your child go to school?

February 9, 2020 · by Pittsburgh Family Law Services, P.C.

Pittsburgh School Choice Attorney
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“Children learn more from what you are than what you teach.” – W.E.B. Dubois

Back to School… but which one?

Deciding where your child will go to school can be a very personal and oftentimes emotional decision, even for two-parent households. You might have a personal history with a specific school, and might even want your children to learn from some of your own former teachers. Perhaps you chose your current neighborhood for the sake of its school system. No matter the reason, many parents have very strong and specific educational preferences for their children. In custody disputes between parents of school-age children, issues of school choice often need to be addressed. If you face a dispute over who gets to pick your children’s school, here are a few points to keep in mind.

If you can, discuss the subject with your co-parent. Describe the outcome you would prefer and why you think it is the right decision, and ask what your co-parent thinks. Listen to the answer, and consider it seriously. Consider whether there is an alternative way to address each parent’s concerns outside of a court battle, and also whether one possible outcome might put an unsustainable burden on the other parent or the children, when compared to the other outcome.

You should also discuss this issue with your local child custody attorney, just as soon as you have reason to know that you and your co-parent might disagree about it. Courts seldom move quickly, and too many parents wait to raise the issue until the summertime, joining the crowd of other last-minute parents who need quick decisions from hard-pressed judges over where their children will go to school in the fall. When that happens, it is more likely that your family court judge will have to make a snap decision about which school your child will attend, at least temporarily, simply because the school year is about to start and there is no time for more thorough consideration. Given an opportunity, Judges prefer helping parents reach agreement, or (if that is not possible) to give both parents a fair and full hearing before making such an important decision. Discussing the matter as early as possible with an experienced family law attorney will help ensure your best opportunity to make your case to the court.

A common misconception is that a Pennsylvania judge will choose to send your child to the “better” school district, or will favor private school over a public education. This is very much a myth; it is seldom that simple. Judges understand that you and your co-parent know your children far better than they ever can. They also know that while some children perform better in a large district with many resources, others might flourish best in a smaller school with fewer students and more individualized attention from teachers. Some private schools offer top-level academic programs which help some children, whereas others may have institutional issues such as falling enrollment or insufficient funding. Your children’s friends might attend one of the two schools. There are other considerations that relate to the parents rather than to the schools, such as their relative economic means, their own respective educational backgrounds, how involved each of them has been up to now in the children’s education, whether one parent is more accommodating or informative toward the other parent in educational matters, and what agreements they have made in the past about their children’s education. The logistics of each possible outcome also matters; perhaps one outcome will allow the current custody arrangement to remain in place, whereas the other outcome might require a disruptive change to your children’s schedule. The focus of the court is always upon the best interest of the child, viewed holistically.

This is why, when a judge makes a decision in a school choice dispute, the order is often framed as awarding “sole legal custody for the purpose of school choice” to the selected parent (or similar phrasing). Judges prefer to maintain parents in equal provisions of authority over their children, limiting one parent’s leverage over another to ‘either/or’ situations such as school choice. Even then, both parents remain equally-entitled (and expected) to participate fully in the children’s education at the school selected by the choosing parent, and each will retain full access to academic records.

BROWSE THE LIBRARY AND READ MORE ARTICLES!

If you need the help of an experienced family law attorney for your shared legal custody case in Southside, Lawrenceville or Homestead, call our office to set up a personal consultation with an experienced Pittsburgh area child custody lawyer and to learn how to get the most out of your parental litigation dispute.  Please do not comment anonymously, and do not post anything that you consider confidential.  We try to be responsive to commentary and questions, but know that posting here will not create an attorney/client relationship and that we will not offer legal advice via the Internet.

Navigating extracurricular activities in your custody case

November 25, 2019 · by Pittsburgh Family Law Services, P.C.

Pittsburgh Legal Custody Lawyer
CALL 412-371-4500 FOR YOUR FREE CONSULTATION
READ MORE ARTICLES ABOUT FAMILY LAW IN PENNSYLVANIA.

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“We are apt to forget that children watch examples better than they listen to preaching.” – Roy L. Smith

Separated parents often find themselves fighting over their children’s extra-curricular activities. Disagreements can become heartaches: which activities and programs to choose, how many are too many, whether children may be signed up for activities during the other parent’s custodial time, and what happens when one parent declares an activity too dangerous, too time-consuming, or too expensive. Making decisions about extra-curricular activities is a legal custody issue, and usually that means the court expects parents to work together to figure these things out. When the “together” part turns out to be easier said than done, disagreements can be brought to court.

Often, children will be permitted to continue participating in activities they were already involved in before the court became involved. There are always exceptions, such as if a child no longer wants to participate, if the costs go up drastically, or if the activity itself has changed in a way that makes it objectionable to a parent. Most activity disputes that end up in court have to do with new activities, especially if one parent’s decision to enroll the child commits the other parent to supporting the child’s involvement in the activity during his or her own custody time.

When parental disputes like this do end up in court, judges tend to favor children being permitted to participate in extracurricular activities that appeal to them, and if that is the court’s decision both parents will be expected to ensure that the child is able to participate fully. However, judges know they are poor substitutes for parents when making these decisions, and they will still expect parents to coordinate together directly for the benefit of their children. Coordinating and consulting with your co-parent is not just about checking in and asking permission, but also is about making sure that if you are not inadvertently scheduling a commitment that occurs at the same time as something else your child is already scheduled to attend. Many parental disagreements happen because one parent chose not to check in with the other to confirm there were no timing issues with the activity.

Parents often can more effectively resolve issues arising from extra-curricular activities (and many others) by participating in a program of co-parenting counseling. Having a structured, refereed forum in which each parent is able to raise address his or her concerns is often far more effective – and far less expensive – than going to a judge and letting the court tell you both how you must raise your children. The vast majority of disagreements can be resolved by this type of dialogue in a way that litigation can never do.

Of course, it is not always possible to resolve parental disagreements without court intervention. This is often true when one parent views an activity as being particularly dangerous or morally objectionable, if one parent schedules activities to interfere with the other parent’s time without advance agreement, or if the activity will require substantial travel or a large commitment of money or time. In these situations, the court has the power to give one parent the overriding authority to make such decisions.

If you and your child’s other parent disagree about extra-curricular activities and you are considering taking the matter to court, it is important that you speak with an attorney before you take any action. An experienced attorney can help you to identify whether the disagreement is one that is better addressed in co-parenting counseling or by other means, or whether it is worth the effort to bring it in front of the judge.

Related articles:
Child custody in Pennsylvania
I got served with divorce or custody papers in PA. What do I do?

If you need legal assistance with your physical custody case in Pittsburgh’s Southside, Upper St. Clair or Mt. Lebanon, call our office to set up a personal consultation with an experienced Allegheny County child custody attorney and to learn how to get the most out of your co-parent dispute.  Please do not comment anonymously, and do not post anything that you consider confidential.  We try to be responsive to commentary and questions, but know that posting here will not create an attorney/client relationship and that we will not offer legal advice via the Internet.

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  • Attorney Tara L. Hutchinson is a family and divorce lawyer located in the east end of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and serves clients throughout Southwestern Pennsylvania and the Pittsburgh area including the neighborhoods of Squirrel Hill, Shadyside, Monroeville, McKeesport, Edgewood, Penn Hills, Bethel Park, Mount Lebanon, Canonsburg, New Kensington, Greensburg, Murrysville, Turtle Creek, Swissvale, Churchill, Oakmont, Fox Chapel, and Sewickley.

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